Ranking all of the couples in “Love Actually”

I love Love Actually. It’s that time of the year so I’ve already watched it a handful of times. This list is definitive and correct, from worst to best. There’s no arguing with it and changes will not be made.

(Changes will probably be made because I can’t ever make up my mind.)

love actually harry mia

14. Harry and Mia

This one’s gross. Going after the married-with-kids older boss, whose wife is EMMA THOMPSON is just so not smart. Come on Harry. Snap out of it and go back to your wife, queen EMMA THOMPSON. Thankfully EMMA THOMPSON brings Harry out of his idiotic stage before he slept with Mia, but not before he gave her that goofy looking necklace first. Go away, Mia.

love actually mark and juliet

13. Juliet and Mark

Like, I get that the postcards thing was adorable, but come on, Mark. You’re going after your best friend’s new wife. Find someone single! Sure, a kiss is fine now, but for how long? Normally I’d be like OMG JULIET MARK 5-eva! but it’s hard to cheer for a relationship this cute. In the end we’re led to believe  that all is well, so hopefully the kiss really was all Mark needed. But seriously, y’all. That postcard bit was tooooo cuteeee!

love actually

12. Sarah and Michael

He’s soooooo needy. Okay, sure, there’s a reason he looks to be in a home, but have some fun for yourself, Sarah! But still, she’s a very good sister and just wants to be there for her brother. Very sweet and it feels so very real. One of my favorite parts about the movie is the unconditional love some of these characters have, and even though he’s an inconvenience, Sarah never complains about her role and takes it in stride. Okay, I think I’ve talked myself into placing this one further down the list.

love actually colin and american girls

11. Colin and the American girls

Lol, Colin. The God of Sex sure got his wish, but come on, Richard Curtis. Girls in Wisconsin do not Texas accents and would absolutely, 100% have a heater.

love actually juliet and peter

10. Juliet and Peter

Everything I like about this relationship was because of Mark, so idk? The wedding bit was super cute, but that was thanks to Mark. Still, I liked this couple even though Juliet sort of bugged me? I don’t know!

love actually harry and karen

9. Harry and Karen

Harry’s an ass to Karen, but I’m glad the grumpy bugger changes his ways at the end. That scene where EMMA THOMPSON puts on the Joni Mitchell CD and cries when she realizes he’s given the necklace to someone else? Brilliant. And I love that she stood up for her marriage and confronted him about it. Some things are worth fighting for.This seemed like such a real relationship, which ebbs and flows depending on the mood of those involved. Her brother is the Prime Minister, her best friend just lost his wife — she’s as lonely as they are even though she has someone she could talk to. But above all she tries to be a good mom and put her children first, oftentimes putting her feelings to the side. That’s why I love that moment of weakness in her bedroom before the school play. The vulnerable side comes out while alone, but is soon quickly gone as she gathers up her children to leave the house.  I luv u EMMA THOMPSON!

love actually karen and daniel

8. Karen and Daniel

I love that not all of the relationships in this movie were romantic ones. Karen was there for Daniel after his wife’s passing but she wasn’t there to commiserate with him. Sure, she let’s him be sad, but also knows that he doesn’t need to always be sad. Eating dry cereal out of the box as the two talk about Claudia Schiffer was excellent and Karen’s brutal honestly helped Daniel reconnect with Sam as the two mourn the loss together. So sweet. BFFs!!!!! Karen’s easily my favorite character in this movie, y’all.

love actually sarah and karl

7. Sarah and Karl

Sarah’s been in love with Karl for two years, seven months, three days and, I suppose, an hour and thirty minutes. He’s just now started to notice her at work, though, so that’s a little weird. I do like that Harry tries to set the two up (Sarah and Harry should probably have their own section here since they are a good example of platonic work friends!) as the two finally decide to connect during the company Christmas party. Instead of keeping Karl’s super greasy body in her room she chooses to go to her brother, which is the only reason he’s so high on the list. But, you guys, can you imagine how awkward work would be the next day?

love actually billy mack and joe

6. Billy Mack and Joe

These two idiots. Billy Mack never really seems to appreciate his manager, Joe, but at the end, when Billy Mack could be drugging it up at Elton John’s Christmas party and with any woman he chooses, he instead goes to Joe’s house who turned out to be the f-ing love of his life. Billy’s finally appreciative of all of those years of friendship with Joe by his side. Then the two get pissed and watch porn. Awww? Awwwww.

love actually sam and joanna

5. Sam and Joanna

Squeeeee! Any time a cute red head tries to woo another super cute little girl my heart melts a little bit. Sam learns drums for Joanna! He almost gets arrested just to tell her he loves her. They’re the cutest and I don’t care that they’re twelve years old just let me have this one!

love atually john and just judy

4. John and Just Judy

Actual Hobbit Martin Freeman is one of my favorites so I’m all super into this relationship. As the two body doubles get into more and awkward situations their relationship grows and grows. He’s such a gentleman and never looks at her wobbly bits, even warming up his hands before touching her. The two are super adorable together and I really just want to see more of them. So glad that they got their happy ending!

love actually david and natalie

3. David and Natalie

Okay, let’s get one thing out of the way: Natalie is not fat. She’s maybe a little chubby, but at most she’s a beautiful normal woman. Stop calling her fat! Both the Prime Minister and the POTUS hit on her, so she’s not just some ugly duckling who transforms into a beautiful swan; she’s always been that swan. A swan with a terrible potty mouth, but a swan nonetheless. And even though Hugh Grant’s a huge scuzz bucket, his character David going to every door on the dodgy end of Wandsworth was pretty romantic. And when he sings carols with the little girls? Priceless. Also, would the Prime Minister really fly into Heathrow and go through just like the normal folk? I call bs, Curtis.

love actually daniel and sam

2. Daniel and Sam

What I love best about this is that Daniel is Sam’s stepdad and it’s not a big deal. We don’t know what happened to Sam’s real dad, but after his mom passes away there’s never any question that Daniel is now solely Sam’s dad. And when he calls him dad at the end? Come on. If your heart wasn’t already melting that would do it. He’s hurting after losing his wife, but he also realizes that Sam is too and doesn’t dismiss his feelings. “Let’s go get the shit kicked out of us by love.” You guys! They work together to help Sam get the girl and it’s just the best and I can’t stop talking about how cute Thomas Sangster is and I love when Liam Neeson plays guys like Daniel and when they are on the couch watching Titanic. It’s so sad watching this movie a few years after Liam Neeson lost his wife in a terrible accident, which makes this whole part just so hard to watch without feeling a little twinge of grief at what Neeson must be going through.

love actually jamie and aurelia

1. Jamie and Aurelia

Who cares that these two don’t understand each other. There’s nothing more romantic to me than someone going out of their way to do something because their partner likes it, or because she speaks Portuguese and you think maybe you’ll see her one day so hey why not learn it, okay? Their scenes were sweet and however much I love Freeman times that by one hundred and that’s how much I love Colin Firth. That scene where they’re in the car together and he tries to talk to her about Frankie Valli and he does this little squeal of embarrassment and she sort of smiles at him — you guys , it is just the best. I don’t know if they decided to inhabit in Portugal or inhabit with Jamie in England, but since yes is being her answer, there’s no worry about these two. They’ve got the rest of their lives to understand each other; love is, after all, the international language. Just watch out for the eels along the way.

love actually jamie

All images/gifs courtesy of Universal Pictures

About Jordan Hickman

When I was in high school, I was watching The X Files in the closet of our basement when I was supposed to be sleeping. My dad caught me and he laughed at me. It was then I knew TV would quickly become an obsession of mine. TV is in a golden era right now, and I'm so thrilled to be along for the ride. I started this website because writing is also a passion of mine and I wanted to combine the two. I'm also a wife and mom, which means I'm not always timely in getting reviews in.

2 comments on “Ranking all of the couples in “Love Actually”

  1. I absolutely agree with your order of couples, including the ones you are considering re-ordering lol! One thing I just have to mention though- Karen and Harry get divorced at the end. During the last airport scene he is with Mia and they are doing that awkward divorced parents exchanging their kids for the weekend thing. My heart breaks for EMMA THOMPSON every time I watch this movie :-(
    Thanks for your excellent reviews!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *