Once Upon A Time 4×02- “White Out”

I know, I know! This recap is crazy late. I’m sorry! What if I make up for it with an Episode 2 haiku?

Emma’s trapped in ice;
Charming and Anna are friends;
Elsa melts the ice.

No? No. I tried. Let’s cut right to the chase. Here’s the recap!

Elsa needs a hug, y’all.
The episode kicks off right where last week’s ended. Elsa walks out of Gold’s shop and decides that until she and Anna are reunited, nobody leaves Storybrooke. She goes all “Let It Go” on the poor, innocent town and erects a giant ice wall at the town sign.

Meanwhile, in flashback land…
Check. Out. Charming’s. HAIR!

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This was Prince Charming in his 80’s hair band phase, and it’s nothing short of glorious. Anna seeks out David as he is a friend of Kristoff’s (that’s a spinoff I’d be down to watch- a prequel surrounding Charming and Kristoff’s bromance!), but refuses to give him any information as to who she is. David allows her to stay overnight in the barn, but shoos her away as a horse and carriage approach. The horse and carriage carry Bo Peep- who instead of being the sweet character from the nursery rhyme is actually a raging psycho with a thick Cockney accent.

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Not the best shot, I know, but the ABC shows are a bit harder to screencap. I figured Bo Peep was their landlord, but Charming refers to her as “the most powerful warlord” in the land. She threatens Charming and his mother to pay up or work off their debts as her personal slaves, and then brands them both so she always knows where they are. Charming and his mother agree to cooperate, but Anna is not having any of it and tells Charming to fight. When Charming says that he wouldn’t match up against her, Anna offers to teach him how to use a sword.

Charming and Anna play-duel, but Charming gets whiny and gives up lightning fast. Anna lays into him and tells him that he “really likes to give up.” She tells him that she went through this with her sister and that instead of facing her problems, she hid from them. The main theme of her speech is that “surviving isn’t living,” and that by hiding from psycho Bo Peep, Charming and his mother are doing exactly that.

When the day comes to “pay up,” Charming goes to find Anna to tell her that he can’t fight. When he instead finds Bo Peep, who states that she has both kidnapped and branded Anna, Charming has a change of heart and sword fights her into submission. He gets Anna’s necklace back and scares Bo Peep away, but not before using the crook to find Anna locked away in the adjacent barn.

Charming returns her necklace and tells her that she was right: surviving is not living, and the battles that seem the most impossible are the ones that are worth fighting. Anna leaves the Charming and his mother on horseback, but not before Charming’s mother slips her Rumplestiltskin’s name. As Anna gallops off, we see her image encased in a crystal ball, followed by Rumple’s unmistakeable laugh.

Ice, ice baby.
Somehow, Emma is able to go INSIDE the ice wall and meets Elsa, who is in full-on freakout mode. Snow (not the character) is flurrying around her head, her hands are ice and she speaks in her best, “I’m patronizing you because I’m the Queen” voice. When Charming DRAWS A GUN on her, Elsa really loses it and erects an ice cave/bubble/another wall of sorts. I’m not sure exactly what she erects because the special effects are SO BAD, but Elsa puts up more ice that traps she and Emma inside.

Emma asks if Elsa wants to tell her what this is about, and Elsa snaps back:
“No. Just know that I’m very powerful, and that you and your people need to be more careful and keep your distance.”

Geez, woman, be cool. Damn. Also, check out this bitchface:

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You know, in Frozen, Elsa is just guarded. She’s not a flat-out bitch, but okay, Once writers! Whatever you want to do.

“Aren’t you cold? I’m freezing.”
“It’s never bothered me.”

Did she just? Did that just happen? Oof.

Things start to pick up, however, when Emma realizes that Elsa cannot control her magic. They bond over how unprepared they were for their newfound responsibilities, but Emma becomes too cold to continue the conversation and passes out.

Charming and Hook go to Gold’s for help bringing down the ice wall, and Charming makes the connection between Anna and the necklace. They track down Bo Peep, who runs a butcher shop, and grab her shepherd’s crook. When they return, Elsa tells Charming that Emma is turning blue, and Hook tries to chip at the ice with his- well- hook. Go ahead and take a five second break here to laugh- it was about as badly acted as it sounds. Sorry, Colin O’Donoghue.

Charming pep talks Elsa and tells her that he knew Anna and she would not want her sister to live by herself in a cave. He uses the same “surviving isn’t living” argument that Anna used on him and convinces Elsa to melt a really terribly CGI’d hole in the wall. Like REALLY terrible.

The only thing that saves this scene is the moment when Emma crawls out of the ice hole and hugs Hook for dear life.

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When she becomes too cold to stand, Hook scoops her up like her pirate in shining armor. I love it so much.

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Back at the apartment, Charming uses the crook to determine that Anna is still alive.

Also, THIS. MOMENT. IS. EVERYTHING.

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The episode ends with Elsa being unable to bring down the wall. She states that she doesn’t understand what is keeping the ice frozen as she is the only one with her power. Cut to an ice cream shop called “Any Given Sundae,” and…

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Welcome to Once Upon A Time, Elizabeth Mitchell!

So episode two was a bit of a mixed bag. It was FULL of bad graphics and really cheeseball acting, but its message was simple and actually quite endearing. Let me just say that most of us know who Elizabeth Mitchell turns out to be, and it is AWESOME. So there we have it. What did you think of episode two? Was it awesome, or was the cheeseball acting too much for you? I want to hear what you thought! Drop me a comment or a tweet @GinaWatchesTV and we will reconvene on Sunday!

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