“Enlisted” Recap and Quotes: “Prank War”

Enlisted Prank War Private Dobkiss Specialist Chubowski Private Gumble Randy Hill Pete Hill Private Robinson Private Park

It’s been WEEKS since FOX aired a new episode of Enlisted, and after watching this week’s episode, it only made me realize how much I’ve missed and still love the show, which only gave me more hatred towards FOX for cancelling this show.

Enlisted returns with a bang, as the episode is all about pranks and nothing but pranks. (Thanks to show, I now have new pranks up my sleeve for my little brother.) The show starts off with Randy presenting a flag he made for the platoon; only to find out Jill Perez has stolen it the next day. This instantly starts a prank war between the two platoons, dog poop is involved, so is face painting, hands glued to the face, and another thing glued to Derrick’s face, that’s frankly is too disgusting for me to type out.

However, the best part of this entire episode is Angelique Cabral. She portrays Jill Perez as a master of all tricks and the queen of pranks. Jill Perez is the tough gal on this show, she’s competitive, she’s smart, and she works extremely hard, but this week, Cabral showed us what a badass Jill is. In Prank War, Jill with her genius pranks and evil laugh is always two steps ahead of Pete and his platoon troops, and it was amazing to see.

Enlisted Prank War Jill PerezQuotes

Enlisted Prank War Private RobinsonRandy: If somebody in this room took my flag, give it right back, now! No questions asked! Except for “why?” and “how could you?

Cody: Looks like prank season is open.

Cody: Pranks are a crucible for forging bonds between a sergeant and his platoon.

Private Robinson: I look good. I need my own country.

Derrick: Yep, Dog poo. Place is mined. Pete: How did you know that? Derrick: Had a feeling. And the odor.

Derrick: Chubowski, every time, you’re stepping in it. Every time. Chubowski: I got my mother’s flat feet.

Enlisted Prank War Private ParkJill: Blah. Blah. Blah. You’re not on your battlefield anymore, you’re on mine. Pranks are my bullets, and my rifle’s always loaded. Pranks are my food, and I never go hungry. Pranks – Pete: We get it.

Pete: We do not surrender. Jill: Are you sure about that, ese? Because in a prank war nothing is off-limits.

Pete: Okay, prank numero uno. We dig a pit, fill it with sharpened sticks, cover it with leaves, and wait till Jill and her platoon fall into it on their morning run. Bam. Private Robinson: Uh, a prank usually has a “ha-ha” element. Private Gumble: This one feels just a little bit kill-y

Enlisted Prank War Private DobkissPete: Wait till we get Jill back with a plastic spider and a pair of X-ray specs. Chubowski: Good Lord! He’s gonna get us all killed.

Derrick: Pete, I will train you, with Randy’s help. Randy: Yes. The student becomes the teacher. The Lindsay Lohan will become the Jamie Lee Curtis.

Randy: I’ll replace your sunscreen with mayonnaise. Give you delicious sunburn.

Derrick: I, on the other hand, am the master of the long con. Do you remember the summer that you thought you were getting fat? Pete: Yeah. Derrick: I was taking in your pants a tiny bit every night. I learn to sew just to mess with you. Pete: I went to fat camp in Arizona! Derrick: What can I say? I have a gift.

Lieutenant Schneeberger: Dad, he called me “sir”! Ah. I don’t know. Older than you, younger than Grandpa?

Jill: You’re the one who has a lady problem, Pete. And her name is Sergeant Jill Perez! Enlisted Prank War Specialist Chubowski

Park: They Super-Glued my hands, and gave me Home Alone face! Chubowski: I look like Grimace! Dobkiss: I look like a child’s worse nightmare.

Pete: Maybe it is time to just call it off. Randy: No! We need revenge! Pete: Doesn’t look like anything happened to you. Randy: Oh, no. They got me good. They shaved me… downstairs. Derrick: Oh, gross. Wait. Is my mustache made of…? Oh my god. OH MY GOD! I WILL NEVER NOT KNOW THAT THIS HAPPENED! Pete: It doesn’t look bad on you. Derrick: WE HAVE TO DESTROY HER… AND ERASE MY MEMORY!

Enlisted Prank War Derrick Hill
GIF Credit: FOXEnlisted.tumblr.com

Derrick: We need to hit Jill where it hurts. (Points at heart.) Randy: Her boobs. Derrick: No. Higher. Chubowski: Her décolletage? Derrick: Lower. Private Robinson: Her under-boobs? Derrick: Her heart, Garfield! My god!

Enlisted Prank War Private Gumble Derrick: I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Steve ain’t coming. Got ya! Jill: Well, if it isn’t the short and curly kid. I’m “beary sowwy,” but you didn’t get me. I knew Steve wasn’t gonna come. Derrick: Yeah, right. I’m not Pete, okay? Welcome to the big leagues. This whole Steve thing was my idea. Jill: Well, you should have done more homework, Big League. Steve never sent me flowers. He hated The Claymore. He’s dead. He thought Mylar balloons were tacky, he never… Derrick: W-Wait. What? What? Jill: Mylar – not a fan. Or are you seizing on the part that he’s no longer one of the living?

Enlisted Prank War Randy Hill Pete Hill Derrick Hill
Photo credit: screencapped.net

Pete (laughing): You are dead to Steve! Derrick: No, Pete. Steve is dead. Pete: Yeah, okay. Ha, ha! Steve is dead to you! Boom! Derrick: No, as in, deceased. He’s no longer with us. This has been a horrible mistake. Pete: What? Derrick: This could not get any worse. Randy: Ha! Steve is never coming back! Derrick: That’s cause he’s dead, Randy! Randy: THAT’S CAUSE HE’S DEAD! He’s dead?Jill laughs. Derrick: Wait a second. We did get you. Steve’s not dead. This has been a huge success! Randy: STEVE’S ALIVE! I bet he loves fishing. Jill: Nope. Um, still dead. Randy: NO! Wow! That hurt more the second time. Jill: I’m laughing because you dummies forgot another cardinal rule of pranking. Pete: I’m wearing a cup. Randy: He’s wearing a cup. Jill: Never drink out of an open container. Yeah, I put a little something in your beers. So, in a few minutes, you’ll be seized with an uncontrollable intestinal distress.

Enlisted Prank War Jill Perez

Photo Credit: FOX and GIF Credit: nalle.tumblr.com

About Amy

I watch A LOT of tv shows and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I'm obsessed with couples from my favorite TV shows. I get lost in the different worlds of books. I sing my heart out and have my own concert in my living room with my iPod blasting. Lastly, I love to write. You can follow me on Twitter @iAMart_22

2 comments on ““Enlisted” Recap and Quotes: “Prank War”

  1. One of the best things about Perez’s portrayal in this episode wasn’t just that she was so badass, but also that she wasn’t such a Hermione that she wouldn’t indulge in a little extracurricular mayhem. Actually, a lot of extracurricular mayhem. And she didn’t just indulge in it, she excelled at it. It would’ve been so easy for them to write her as always being Perfect Perez, the brown-nosing, supersquare soldier quoting army regulations chapter and verse. Remember Major Margaret Hoolihan from the earlier seasons of M*A*S*H before they wrote her as more three-dimensional and capable of having some fun? Thankfully, right off the bat they made Perez playful and mischievous. She’s Hermione AND the Weasley Twins all rolled into one!

    1. Well, I hate to disappoint you but I wouldn’t understand your Harry Potter character reference, or the M.A.S.H. as well, as I’ve never seen either of them. However, I understand what you’re trying to say about the character Jill Perez, and I believe you’ll see more of what you’re trying to say during this week’s episode.

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